My rainbow baby Alexander was born on February 19. We had some issues when he was born so we did not get discharged from the hospital until Friday morning. In my head I imagined the drive home would be similar to Seth Rogan driving home with his newborn in Knocked Up. In actuality my husband probably made it up to 50 mph on the drive home.

I know usually on that first day home, thats when the moms, sisters, or aunts take over and “help” in your home but we didn’t want that. We decided early on that we wanted about a week or two to learn how to parent in our own way without outside interference. Shortly after getting home, introducing the dogs to Alex and saying good bye to my Mother in Law we were alone and it was scary.

That first day you question everything, did he get enough from me nursing him? Why is he crying? Why won’t he stop crying? Omg how will I survive the newborn phase? You are full of emotions on having to take care of a fragile little life. You’re also dropping all of those pregnancy hormones so you are in a whirlwind of emotions. Another reason we wanted to be alone is so we could experience those emotions without judgment from family and friends.

You will probably have a small breakdown especially if you have had issues breastfeeding like me. By his third feeding on our first day home, I just held him and cried. I was worried if my boob was smothering him, did he get enough milk to satisfy him during that feeding? I was a real mess. Within that night I had mentally decided to exclusively pump to feed him.

After we made it through feedings it was time to attempt to swaddle him and put him to bed in his bassinet. He surprisingly took to it fairly quickly. Once Jason swaddled him and placed him in, he was out cold. Unfortunately as new parents we were not, I remember laying in the bed and scooting over as close as I could to his bassinet to make sure I could hear him breathing. Jason was constantly sitting up and leaning over me to get a glimpse of him sleeping. That first night he also slept with his cell phones light on all night, every hour or so you would see the light of his phone shining into the bassinet.

Eventually the sun rose and we had officially survived our first night at home with a newborn. Becoming a parent is a huge adjustment mentally, physically and emotionally. It will seem hard at first and it may even seem like it keeps getting harder but you will survive this stage.